I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
