Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
