you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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