ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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