The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
