haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
