The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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