Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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