love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
