I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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