it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
