I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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