What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
