Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
