brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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