hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
