The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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