fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize