I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
