Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
