One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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