Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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