i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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