Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
