Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
