shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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