I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
