i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.