In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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