Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.

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(248): View more from Michigan

If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

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(347): View more from New York

i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours

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(408): View more from California

just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(802): View more from Vermont

I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"

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(519): View more from Ontario

I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.

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