I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.