He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.