dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.