i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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