i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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