Only a mothe r could love this liver
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
