His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
