I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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