YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
