so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize