youre lurking in front of me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
