Pants 0. Shit 1.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
