:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
