i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
