direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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