he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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