so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
