i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize