I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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