jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
