i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
