sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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