wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
