I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
