Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love having hate sex.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
