New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
