I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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