I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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