I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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