I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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