If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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