so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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