did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
