After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
