she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
