I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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