I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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