i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
