well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
