"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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