whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
