Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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