Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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