i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize