If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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