i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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