I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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