What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
