Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize